Sunday, February 7, 2010

Dumb Questions we face all the time

Dumb questions indians are often asked and correct answers for them. Courtesy: some source



Q. Why do indian women wear red dots on their foreheads?

A. Well, in ancient times, Indian men used to practice archery

skills by aiming at their wife's red dot. In fact, that is one

of the reasons why they had many wives. You see, once they

mastered the art of archery and hit the target....

Q. You're from India? I have read so much about the country. All the

wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants.

Do you still use elephants for transportation?

A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant in our

house. But later, we started participating in elephant-ride

sharing schemes with our neighbors, to save the air. You see

elephants have an "emissions" problem.....

Q. Does India have cars?

A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to

encourage ride-sharing schemes.

Q. Does India have TV?

A. No. We only have cable.

Q. Are all Indians vegetarian?

A. Yes. Even tigers are vegetarian in India.

Q. How come you speak English so well?

A. You see when the British were ruling India,they employed Indians

as servants. It took too long for the Indians to learn English.

So the British isolated an "English-language" gene and infused

their servants' babies with it and since then all babies are born

speaking English.

Q. Are you a Hindi?

A. Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.

Q. Do you speak Hindu?

A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.

Q. Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?

A. Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me

go to school.

Q. India is very hot, isn't it?

A. It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously. That

is why tea is such a popular drink in India.

Q. Are there any business companies in India?

A. No. All Indians live on the Gandhian prinicples of self-

sufficiency. We all make our own clothes and grow our own food.

That is why you see all these thin skinny Indians -- it is a lot

of hard work.

Q. Indians cannot eat beef, huh?

A. Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian diet.

So eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the

population of the country, the government is trying to encourage

everyone to eat human meat.

Q. India is such a religious place. Do you meditate regularly?

A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink. But

it is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when

I meditate like that. But the bosses there do the same thing.

That is why things are so inefficient there.

Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they

do that?

A. We don't have shoes. So we burn the botton of our feet to make it

hard, so that we can walk.

Q. Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work?

A. I prefer it to coming naked.

Monday, November 30, 2009

5 Minute MANAGEMENT course...Dont miss it

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob , the next-door neighbor..

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says , 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'


Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure..


Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone..

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.


Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients..'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch..

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.


Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.


Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy..
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.


Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your
friend.

(3 ) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Sunday, October 25, 2009

untitled

Aaj zindgi aise mukaam pe hai…ki saari yaari dosti sirf gtlak pe hai
Har cup coffee me feekapan hai …aur hanste is chehre pe mukhaute ka rang hai
5*3 ke is kamre me hum band hai…aur hamare saath tanhai ke ye gum hai…
Har pal jeene ka khwaab dekha tha hamne…kya pata zindgi aise mukaam par layegi...
Chah kar bhi azaad na ho paye kabhi hum…aur ye roz dard ke ghoont pilayegi…
Bhaari is sar me kitne hi khayaalaat bhare…. Aur bhaari is jabaan pe meri jaane kitne alfaaz ruke…
Ek pal me main phoot na jaun..ye sochke…wo saare humne apne paas rakhe
Har pal jeene ka khwaab dekha tha hamne…kya pata zindgi aise mukaam par layegi...
Chah kar bhi azaad na ho paye kabhi hum…aur ye roz dard ke ghoont pilayegi…

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

A few glimpses from Europe


Need I say anything about this one??





View from my apartment window..Kaiserslautern, Deutschland






BMW Museum, Munich..






St Peter's Basilica, Vatican City..Rome






Beautiful scenary, Aachen..Germany





On the beach, Den Haag..Netherlands





"After I dived the sky", Interlaken, Switzerland

One of my best pic: Berlin

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Rumours and the Honour

Once upon a time an old man spread rumours that his neighbour was a thief. As a result, the young man was arrested. Days later the young man was proven innocent. After been released he sued the old man for wrongly accusing him.




In court the old man told the Judge: ‘They were just comments, didn’t harm anyone..’



The judge, before passing sentence on the case, told the old man: ‘Write all the things you said about him on a piece of paper. Cut them up and on the way home, throw the pieces of paper out. Tomorrow, come back to hear the sentence.’



The next day, the judge told the old man: ‘Before receiving the sentence, you will have to go out and gather all the pieces of paper that you threw out yesterday.’



The old man said: ‘I can’t do that! The wind spread them and I won’t know where to find them.’



The judge then replied: ‘The same way, simple comments may destroy the honour of a man to such an extent that one is not able to fix it.



If you can’t speak well of someone, rather don’t say anything.



‘Let’s all be masters of our mouths, so that we won’t be slaves of our words.’




courtesy: Amitabh Bachchan's blog

Monday, July 13, 2009

Common sense is Dead

An Obituary printed in the London Times - Interesting and sadly rather true.
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, *Common Sense*, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn’t always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I’m A Victim
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.


Brilliant !!!! Absolutely brilliant !